If I Ever Feel Better

The internet makes everyone a critic - but fortunately it doesn’t make everyone a good critic.  Everyone knows the quality of your average Amazon customer review, especially the one-star reviews.

Thanks to the Guardian, I’ve now discovered Cynical-C’s “You Can’t Please Everyone”, which collects the brilliant, misspelled contrarian wisdom of Amazon reviewers.  You’ll need to devote a bit of time to reading these gems, but a few of my favourites are:

“The 80s produced some great artists like Rick Astley, Milli Vanilli, Culture Club, etc. Then this horrible Smiths abomination comes along and makes this cringe-inducing album.”

(Of “Moby Dick”) “Too nautical for me.”

Two thumbs up, guys.

There must be a law in the blogosphere that states that whenever a blogger’s productivity has been declining and they do a post about how they’re back and service will resume as normal, it’s always followed by an extended hiatus.  Well, this has happened to me.  What can I say?  My fiancée returns to Australia after a year away, I change jobs yet again and I completely disappear from the internet.  It is any wonder?

A month or so ago, I made a contribution to the fundraising campaign of the Burnside Writers’ Collective, to help out with their website redesign.  I was partly lured by the promise of free Don Miller merchandise, but also by an affection for the site and its irreverent, social-justicy approach to things.  If you don’t know the site, you should check it out - especially if you’re a lover of any of (a) Portland, Oregon (b) sarcasm (c) Jesus or (d) indie rock.  For me, it’s like a jackpot.

Anyway, it was nice today to receive a thankyou from the editor, which made me chuckle:

I wasn’t surprised to see an Australian address…I’ve long said Australians are like cooler version of American West-Coasters.

Word.  Good luck, guys.  You’re just lucky I donated before the Australian dollar crashed and burned.  I think you would have been doing well if I had covered the PayPal fee.

Harnessing the power of the atom and modern science, the society of 2008 is a world away from that of today. Picture Mr Jones putting on his handy jet-pack as he hovers his way into the office! Imagine Mrs Jones at home with her labour-saving devices and robot child-minding assistant! Think about a world where you need never walk again for all the moving footpaths!

OK, so maybe things didn’t turn out the way people expected, but this article from 1968 actually got quite a few things right - mainly the use of computers and modern communications.

The most amazing prediction would have to be where the writer predicts that Axl Rose still won’t have finished Chinese Democracy.

Those smartasses over at Stuff White People Like seem to have my number only too well. They’ve compiled a list of things socially-conscious, pretentious middle-class whites like yours truly just love. Here’s just a sample:

#1 Coffee - Three a day.
#3 Film Festivals - Check. MIFF, SIFF, SKFF, Tropfest, the works.
#10 Wes Anderson movies - Except for the Royal Tenenbaums.
#11 Asian girls - Um. Check.
#12 Non-Profit Organisations - Work for one.
#17 Hating their parents - Tried that for a few years. Didn’t work out.
#19 Travelling - Just back from two months abroad.
#23 Microbreweries - See #19.
#28 Not having a TV - Mine isn’t plugged into the aerial.
#34 Architecture - I mostly photograph buildings.
#36 Breakfast places - Even when I have no one to go with, I go out to cafes for brekkie.
#41 Indie music - See Goodnight Believer.
#49 Vintage - See the clothes I brought back from #19.
#51 Living by the water - Inner East, represent.
#60 Toyota Prius - Slightly more of a Honda Civic hybrid fan, but yeah.
#63 Expensive sandwiches - See the avocado thing I ate yesterday.
#68 Michel Gondry and #69 Mos Des - How good does Be Kind Rewind look?
#71 Being the only white person around - As seen on my #19s to Malaysia and Thailand.
#73 Gentrification - See #51 and the hookers on my street corner.
#75 Threatening to move to Canada - For the entire Howard Administration.

They can add to the list “Analysing yourself based on websites”.

Sorry I’ve been a bit light on with blogging lately.  I’ve been focusing on getting a new project up and running - my mp3 blog.

Check it out at http://goodnightbeliever.wordpress.com

To the anonymous reader who found my site by typing “john laws dickhead” into a search engine, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Paul has tagged me to share eight things about me. Where to begin?

1. I’m the middle of three children. Both my siblings live far away from me, although the one without small children is able to come and visit me next week.

2. I come from a highly educated, intelligent and opinionated family. We have always held to the maxim that religion and politics are the only topics worth discussing at the dinner table. That might be the Irish heritage.

3. In 26 years of life, I’ve called Sydney, Ballarat, Mount Tamborine, the Gold Coast, Drouin, Melbourne and Canberra home. I’ve just recently come full circle and moved back to Sydney.

4. I used to want to be an engineer, so I did an engineering degree. Four years in, I decided I didn’t want to be an engineer after all and applied for government jobs. Now I’m a lobbyist for a non-engineering-related company. I guess you change a bit post high school.

5. I’m a Christian who’s never felt very much at home in the church or with other Christians. I’m still trying to work out if that’s my problem or someone else’s.

6. When I was twelve, my Top 5 recording artists were Johnny Diesel, Hunters and Collectors, Bryan Adams, Billy Joel and Tommy Emmanuel. When I was eighteen, they were Radiohead, Ash, Supergrass, the Stone Roses and the Manic Street Preachers. Now I’d have a hard time limiting myself to fifty.

7. I used to avoid confrontation to a ridiculous extent. Now I can be pretty assertive.

8. My all-time dream job would be to be a full-time author, columnist and general rent-a-quote. Words and opinions come easily to me - I’d love to be paid for them.

OK, now I tag Heartichoke, Sarah, Andy, Jen and Meg. I know that’s only five, but I couldn’t think of three others.

It’s my last weekend in Canberra. My housemates have found a replacement for me and I’ve booked a removalist for Friday. Sad in many ways, but an opportunity to get rid of the detritus of years of sharehouse living.

Hence the really large skip I have out the front of my house. The neighbourhood kids have been having a great time rifling through it for treasures.

It’s often easier to just start all over again. So here I am with a brand new blog, heading off to a brand new job in a brand new city.

If you’ve been a long-time reader, welcome back. If you’re new and stumbled across this somehow, I hope you like it.